My mobile phone rang at 2:00am
Private number,which means it's an overseas call
Familar voice on the other line.It's my friend.But not the usual voice I hear everytime she calls me.Didn't even remember she said "Hello",what I heard was she crying endlessly.Painful to hear your dear friend in such state,but you are helpless and all you can do was just listen.How can someone be so nice be treated like that?Sometimes we ask ourselves "Is life really fair?"Don't know the answers and still searching for it till now.To me,life is fair,we just can't get what we want at the time we wanted it,but in time it'll be ours,right?Things happen for a reason.But why is it some people can have it so easy?Are they better than us?More smarter?The overseas call lasted for more than an hour,I bear with her pain,her tears.When she cried,I also did.When she asked questions,I tried my best to answer.I know in time she'll be better,she's strong and gone thru a lot.She'll have the desires of her heart,maybe not now,but I know he'll find her...
That happened two weeks ago...
Last lazy Sunday while just hanging around with nothing else to do,my phone rang again,but it's only 3:30pm,she was ok,telling me she just attended the mass of Pope Benedict for the World Youth Day and took some pics for her photography.Few minutes from then,she cried again...endlessly.If only I can take some of her pain,I'd readily take it but all I can do was just listen.Yesterday she sent me an email,same as what she sent to the one who broke her heart,it's painful to read.I felt her pain,the heartache.The gesture of her sending the email to him gave her some relief,as she was writing it,she realized she gave too much and left nothing for herself.She said she's stupid,I said "You're not stupid,you just know how to love so much,but you loved the wrong man".
As I am writing this,she SMS me on my YM,can't sleep,toss and turn in bed thinking what she had done wrong,I said "He's not meant for you,you're too good for him.Do you think dad will like someone like him for you?
Tomorrow,another day,I hope she'll be better.A day at a time like I always tell her.
some excerpts of her pain...
"...I had so much sleepless nights asking myself where I had gone wrong. I guess it was you who changed. When I have fallen for you, it's like you suddenly lost your apetite for a food you used to like much. The chase ended for you. You craved for a new game to play. But anyway, I'm not the only woman you made cry and left behind. You are just being honest, ok that's a good point. But honesty is not all that make up a good character. Your heart never sits still. You heart keeps wandering and looking for something new. Never contented with what you have. Though what you already have is more than enough for you to live a good life. You don't wish to nurture it and let it grow in you. Once it's in your lap, you take it for granted and starts wandering again wondering what else is out there. You're in for an endless search. There's soooo many fish in the sea. But a good man finds a good catch, keep it in his boat and take it home with him. Else you will be out there catching fish in the sea your entire life because you keep letting go of the good ones.
You don't know the pain. You don't know what I'm going through to get over you. But as you said we're finish. I was questioning God why I have to meet you. I think I have shown kindness to people, I feel like I don't deserve to hurt this badly.You disappoint me much. Rest assured I have not forgotten the good things you have done for me. It's all kept in my heart. I really give up now Matt. I will give you what you're been waiting for. That is for me to leave you alone. Don't feel guilty what becomes of me. Maybe that is my fate. I hope I serve as a lesson to you and that you eventually find yourself...
Though how we try to evade pain,it's inevitable.There are only two things certain in life.DEATH and TAXES.All rest assured that we will bump into it one way or the other no matter how we try to avoid it,like heartache...or heartaches
